Like a spaniel on heat

D-Day has arrived. It’s 7.30 am and I’m sat at the Airport looking forward to meeting my companions for our latest adventure.

The day did not start well. A jobs worth at the airport wanted to charge me £65 for my bike bag being overweight. He gave me the option of repacking and sharing some of the load to my other bag. I never understand what difference it makes as to how the weight is distributed but anyway to save the money I went about the arduous task of shifting items from one bag to the other.

On returning to the scales the bike bag was still overweight and to my despair I was asked if I could transfer more stuff.

At this point I thought I needed to think out side of the box. Clearly my usual boyish charm was just not working on the gentleman in front of me. I considered breaking down in tears and saying how I am going to visit an ageing relative who is on their last legs but I felt the bicycle would show that story for what it was.  

So in a stoke of genius I decide that flirtation was the way to go. So holding his stare and without blinking I smiled and asked “Chris that’s a nice watch you’ve got on , is it a Garmin” to which he confirms that it was indeed a Garmin. “What exercise do you use it for, you look like you keep yourself pretty fit”. 

The flirtation continue to the point where I thought if he didn’t drop the charge soon, I was going to have to start dry humping his leg like a spaniel on heat. Thankfully that was not necessary and Chris saw sense and to escape from my merciless teasing he waived the charge.

Great result ! 

The Man, the Myth , the Legend (the idiot)

It’s not often I question the man, the myth, the legend that is The Swede. However I distinctly recall as we struggled through last years Marlow to Truro ride having a conversation where for once we were both in agreement.  These epic rides needed to become a little less epic and a little more Driving Miss Daisy.

We discussed about taking on less miles to allow for more leisurely stops, sipping tea and nibbling on a local delicacies whilst taking in the resplendent countryside views of whichever far off land that we had chosen to adventure in.

We agreed that our increasing age, the deterioration of our fitness and in Magnus’ case extreme weight gain were all conspiring against us. We had to tone it down and make sure the rides didn’t become a head down grind without any sense of fun or excitement.

So in my usual last minute approach to getting ready for any non-essential activity, I have finally started to pay attention to the itinerary that The Swede has put together.

In summary we are going to Sweden for 7 days cycling from Umea to Mangskog and below are the highlights that I have finally taken on-board.

Umea to Mangskog	Mileage	Climbing (ft)
Day 1	88.3	4,350
Day 2	89	4,625
Day 3	73.1	4,614
Day 4	72.8	4,010
Day 5	90.2	5,789
Day 6	90.8	6,180
Day 7	61.5	3,446
Total	565.7	33,014

 

Now I appreciate that the above is no Tour de France but then again some might say that my cycling partners and I are considerably closer to Christopher Biggins than Bradley Wiggins when it comes to cycling prowess and conditioning.

 

So given that last year we huffed and puffed our way down to Truro covering 350 miles with 18,000 feet of climbing, how the hell The Swede sees this gig as scaling things down is beyond me.  My ever caring wife, having followed our wholly inadeqaute training regime via over the shoulder reading of our WhatsApp group seriously asked if we all know how to administer CPR. 

The question was genuine but it caused me to consider if the worse comes to the worst who out of my two companions would I prefer to put their lips around mine and blow lifesaving warm air into my lungs?  The following day I completed a non-resuscitation form and I am keeping my fingers crossed that the card arrives before we depart on 4^th July.

As for which of Humpty or Dumpty I would rather revive, that’s easy. It’s The Swede as it’s his dad’s house we are going to be staying in at Mangskog at the end of our trip.  Although I know his father has questioned how his genes could have possibly produced such a misfit, I am sure it won’t be much of a party for Mike and me if The Swede is laid out to rest in Papa’s living room.

Anyway on that note I will sign-off other than to say if you have enjoyed this post and want to follow Magnus, Mike and me on our antics in Sweden watch out for the daily posts on Facebook and please share them with your friends and if you/they are real glutens for punishment anyone can register on the blog site to get email notifications when we post something new.  Keep the likes and comments coming also as it really does lift the spirits to know people are following the three amigos.

                               

A mini blog for a mini adventure

So today I started a mini tour with my long (all of 3 years) suffering wife Emma. 

I left home this afternoon and cycled 16 miles to Reading where I met Emma and we took the train to Bournemouth. The plan being to do a leisurely 25 miles to our overnight stop in Blandford leaving us a more manageable 66 miles tomorrow to our final destination, the lovely city of Bath. 

The trip was positioned by Emma as a nice training ride for me in preparation for the week long cycling tour I have in two weeks time in Sweden with the much longer suffering Swede and Bendy Hendy.

It all seemed to make sense at the time that I signed up for it. Then nearer the time I enquired what bike Emma will be taking, bearing in mind I will be taking “the beast” - my steel frame tourer, built for comfort, long days in the saddle and certainly not in any way built for speed.   It will also be laden down with fully loaded panniers as Emma would  again play the “great training for you” ticket

My assumption had been that Emma would have picked one of the mountain bikes or possibly a hybrid from the array of bikes we have hanging up in the garage.

Casually Emma replies to my enquiry “the road bike of course” as if to take anything other than a road bike complete with razor thin slicks would be madness.

Now to me this news was like a knee in nuts as I immediately realised what this would mean. Emma gliding along without a care in the world, absorbing the beautiful English countryside whilst I am head down pushing myself harder than is appropriate for a man of my disposition. Too proud, stubborn or simply stupid to shout, slow down you dopey mare I can’t keep up. 

My concerns played on my mind leading up to the off. It got to the point where I decided to hatch a last minute plan to try and get Emma to change her steed in the hope that I could slow her down.

I had the task of entering the route that was supplied by Sustran ( great charitable organisation btw) onto my Garmin so that we could find our way without too many squabbles. After I had completed the arduous task I asked Emma if she realised that a large portion of the route was off-road, thinking that she would see sense and change rides.

I should have known better, Emma  immediately carried out research on the route and in her endearing dismissive style, including a wave of the arm announced it all looked fine to her.

My plan failed within a matter of minutes of launching it.

So the ride from Bournemouth to Blandford went as expected.  Emma  starting by trying to be considerate by not pushing the pace. So she sat drafting on my back wheel which any cyclist will tell you means she is expending around 30% less energy through the front riders efforts. Then every now and again she would politely ask if I would like her to take the strain at the front to which I would gratefully (at first) respond in the affirmative. On hitting the front Emma would put her head down and leave me for dust without a look over her shoulder until she was half a mile down the road. 

Anyway I really don’t want to sound bitter about the first days efforts because it has been great training - my thighs can definitely vouch for that. 

Also we have both been really looking forward to two nights without our gorgeous Georgina . 

We need to take advantage of this precious time together on our own in a lovely hotel in a four poster bed.

As I write this I am laying in the said bed with Emma next to me quietly snoring and gurgling away - she must have worked a little bit today. 😃 Actually not sure my thighs could take any more exercise - she has worked them hard enough today. Night folks. X